William Parrish and Joe Black stood on the top of a hill watching the spectacular culmination of the extravagant birthday party. Fireworks filled the sky and illuminated their crisp white shirts sharply outlined by well tailored tuxes. A full orchestra filled the balmy summer night air with “What a Wonderful World.” The entire event was enchanting. A perfectly appointed party celebrating William’s 65 years. 

William turned toward Joe and asked, “Should I be afraid?” A rare, warm smile crossed Joe’s face and he responded, “Not a man like you.” With that William turned away from the storybook scene before him to begin walking down the other side of the hill. Joe remained, his misty eyes transfixed on the gaiety as if attempting to absorb every minute detail.

Noticing Joe’s hesitance, and with an extraordinary amount of acceptance of his own imminent death just moments away, William says, “It’s hard to let it go, isn’t it?” “Yes, it is Bill,” replied Joe. “That’s life, what can I tell you…” The two men descend the backside of the hill and as they slipped from sight we know that Death is taking William Parrish. 

The scene is a slice from the movie Meet Joe Black. Brad Pitt plays Joe whose true identity is Death. Joe took on human form to, as he explains, “have a look around.” After millennia of curiosity he wants to know what it’s like to be alive and chooses to shadow William Parrish, played by Anthony Hopkins. Parrish is a genuinely good man who is unfortunately dying from heart disease. Instead of ushering William to the other side, Death proposes a deal: he offers William more time in exchange for staying close by his side. He then invades every corner of his life to vicariously have the experience of being human.     

I’ve seen this movie several times over the years and put it on just the other day. I needed a little respite in air conditioning while triple digit temperatures soared outside. I watched the entire film in order to see the hilltop scene in the final minutes. Not a sacrifice. In my opinion this movie is provocative and boasts one of the sweetest ‘meet cutes’ in the industry. Aside from escaping the heat, my motivation also stemmed from a few recent trips I’ve made into town.

I gladly stay home on our little farm and only drive the 15 minutes to the world of retail out of necessity. Not a big deal really, but lately something has been bothering me. Cars zip by at high speeds, cutting in and around with only inches to spare. Enormous semi trucks tower over my backside coming far too close for comfort. This is nothing new,  but I can’t seem to shake off a growing sense of vulnerability.

Pulling into the grocery store I see the McDonalds by the side of the road. I recall those people who were gunned down in a different McDonalds while waiting in line to get a burger. In one of the aisles at the grocery store another random mass shooting comes to mind. I think, “It could happen here, right now.” 

I’m not entirely sure why my thoughts are taking me to the potential dangers lurking anywhere, all the time. Up to now I haven’t been a fearful person. I might be internalizing the unavoidable evidence of hostilities in our society. Animosity so raw that the very air seems thick with it. Maybe my growing plunge into the awareness of potential harm is a matter of aging, a view toward the inevitable end that wasn’t visible some years ago. I don’t know. 

My sister-in-law was driving to work. A hospice nurse and one of the most compassionate, genuinely giving, kind people who have ever walked the earth. As she turned out onto a highway very much like the one I take into town, a car struck her at high speed. She died at the scene. No one knows what happened in the seconds before her death. Perhaps she glanced away for just a moment or misjudged how fast the oncoming car was going. What we do know is that in the blink of an eye she was gone. 

When I was young my thoughts never strayed toward the end. Life was a vast horizon for me to explore. I would always be around. Always have my health. Always be able to dream big and go for it all. That was a long time ago. In those years I challenged death more times than I’d actually like to admit. It’s a wonder I made it through reckless behavior behind the wheel, skinny dipping while higher than a kite at midnight in a lake known to have water moccasins, (very deadly snakes) or walking around dangerous areas of Chicago late at night. 

Now, hopefully a bit wiser, I see the fragility of the life I have so many times taken for granted. I am more keenly aware of the privilege it is to be alive, here on this unruly, spectacular planet among unruly and spectacular people and creatures of all kinds. Every day, every moment here we win the cosmic lottery.

From a card I keep at my desk …

“She said she usually cried at least once each day not because she was sad, but because the world was so beautiful & life was so short.”  Brian Andreas

Curiously, when it came time to complete the  arrangement between William Parrish and Joe Black it was Joe who was dragging his feet. He had a taste of living and didn’t want to leave it behind. Observing his hesitance William said, “It’s hard to let go, isn’t it?” 

I think it is hard to be at peace with our unavoidable death. Probably something most of us don’t really want to have in mind. Yet this awareness could be a gift wrapped in a shroud. Perhaps hidden in the horror of our mortality there is deep wisdom … a treasure masked by the fear of that unknown moment we creep closer to from the first time we draw breath.

Mortality could be what makes living so precious. If there was no end to life, would there be value or just more and more of the same. Welcoming death as an undeterred companion may be a strange idea, yet it’s out there someday, in some moment, and there’s absolutely no way to avoid it.

Carlos Castaneda said, “Death is the only wise advisor that we have.” Befriending our inescapable end might sweeten our days and provide unfamiliar perspective for our thinking.

And, when that unavoidable time comes, ‘should I be afraid?’ I don’t have any idea what lies beyond this life, and I am not really interested. It will be what it will be. What I am interested in is being the very best human I can be while I am here. I think if I do that what happens next will work out as it should. 

William Parrish put it this way in his final words to Joe, “That’s life, what can I tell you … “